With each new season of Housewives, we hear the same thing: They have evolved and and are far past any sort of drama.  They feel a sense of renewal and independence, much like our Manhattan firecracker, Ramona Singer.   On The Real Housewives Of Orange County, everyone’s feeling like a new woman. Tamra is going through her divorce from Simon and working on her unpleasant image.  Things haven’t changed much, if you ask me.  Barney certainly seems more fragile, but she hasn’t lost her tendency to talk behind backs .  Take her dinner with Alexis, for instance.  Tamra was polite and agreeable with our biblical tart, but cut to the one-on-one interview and the bombs dropped.  Please just say all of this to Alexis.  We can’t handle a season full of “God and my husband are King. They make the money and I make meals.”  By the way, it’s “June Cleaver,” not “Bev Clever.”

Gretchen wants us all to believe she’s a very important businesswoman.  Ya’ll saw her bags on last week’s premiere, right?  They’re the aesthetic equivalent of Baby Phat on clearance at Marshall’s.  The whole brand, including makeup, is tacky.   It’s not even Macy’s tacky.  It’s JC Penney tacky.  And an assistant?  Why an assistant?  She doesn’t seem that busy to me.  Tamra’s only redeeming moment in six seasons occurred last night when she asked no one in particular, “What doe she need an assistant for? To hold Slade’s balls?”

You’d think everyone’s style would have evolved over the course of this O.C. franchise, but everyone still looks trashy.  Didja catch new housewive Peggy and her rhinestone-lovin’ husband, Micah? If I ever say “yes” to a man wearing a shirt like that, take me out to the pasture.  And we’re all still into the heavy stitching of True Religion, huh?  We’ll get to Peggy more this season.  For the time being, I prefer only seeing a few minutes per episode.  She strikes me as a more unnatural-looking Kelly Lynch.

Alexis has not one redeeming quality.  Not one. There is nothing more to her than slinky clothing, a good body and too much eye makeup.  She is a robot programmed to obey her master, Jim.  The nannies were let go because the Bellinos are facing their second foreclosure notice.  This means that Alexis has to take care of the children herself.  Can you imagine raising three kids as a stay-at-home mom?  The horror!

While Vicki is still too much, she’s too much in a good way.  She’s busy semi-existing in the real world to partake in the boob brigade.  And hats off to Vicki for working hard to make sure she doesn’t end up like her co-stars: broke-ass and still pretending they’re rich.

Images via Bravo TV