Dear Liz Lemon,

I take great comfort in the fact that like me, you have decided to throw in the towel on this crazy game called love.  The chip clip, the fanny pack and the dump sweatpants are items on my “long-term investments” list.  However,  I’ll trade your cat in for gardening-I don’t want to worry about losing Emily Dickinson to a hawk, as I have enough problems relating to my new lifestyle.  Because love is a battlefield, and astronaut Mike Dexter hasn’t come to fight for our honor.

“I took the money I was saving for my honeymoon and bought a cemetery plot.”

BOOM