We knew the full moon would come ’round again to bite us all in the ass (hmmmm).  There’s a new willowy chick in town who just happens to be a werewolf looking for her dead werewolf mate, Mason.  Guess what, willowy werewolf.  Your boy’s dead.  He’s “decomposing in his tah-ruck.”  And if you even think of laying a hand on Damon, I will bite you myself.  I’ll do it! I will.

Meanwhile, in a tomb across town: We THOUGHT Stefan and Katherine were going to have sex, but it’s all in the magic of preview editing.  Turns out Stefan either fantasized about it in the tomb, or Katherine got inside his head.  I’m going to say it’s a little of both.  Being hungry makes us do kind of insane things, which is why I don’t diet.  So, no.  We didn’t see Stefan cheat on Elena.

Ooh! Elijah‘s back in town and he’s made a deal with Elena.  She’s to  stay boring and ceases playing martyr, and he will not kill everyone she loves.  Elijah’s plan to use Elena as bait to kill Klaus (with whom he’s fallen out of favor) is a bit ambitious.  Buuuut we have to keep this show going for at least another two seasons, so anything to extend its longevity.

Oh, howmyheartbrokeforTyler.  And it was so courageous and kind of Caroline to stay with him while he transformed (it was smart of her to go away while he posed a threat, but she didn’t stray far.  She came back when he was done and weak and scared).

Alright, I’ll need your help on the witch-warlock story.  Bonnie enlisted Luca to help her break the moonstone curse.  But it seems he switched the stones when she wasn’t looking, and tricked her into believing they broke the spell (fireworks can sway anyone to believe).  Now the real moonstone lies with the warlocks and the spell remains in tact.  So now we have to figure out why Rose‘s werewolf bite myseriously healed, then bubbled up again.  It has something to do with what the warlocks completed during the full moon, but that’s a storyline that will leave us confused until January 27th.

May I just reiterate how much I hate this new idea of two season finales?  You get one season finale, TV Town.  Not two.  Just because we break for the holidays doesn’t mean you can take a huge TO until the end of January.  Not every network will air American Idol (and ps, it’s not even that good).  So while I appreciate that you’ll debut the second half of the season on my birthday, I resent the fact that I have to wait that long to see Damon.  We’re exclusive.

With Love And Seasonal Weight Gain,

Team Brenda

“Yes, Elena.  I find hilarity in the lengths that I have to go to, to repeatedly save your life.”

Images via CW