Guess what, fellow dead-asses!  This New Year’s weekend is THE excuse of excuses to lay around and watch all sorts of badishly good television.  We have something for everyone: Bitchy brides and even bitchier housewives abound on this weekend where the dress code is sweatpants-casual.  Go ahead, there.  Be slovenly.

Oprah is launching her new network, OWN.  You know the network I’m talking about.  Oprah can’t shut up about it.  I’m just kidding.  ILYOW.  One program I’m kind of pumped about is the docu-series, Finding Sarah.  With the Duchess Of York being a hot mess in all areas of her life, it was only a matter of time before Oprah offered to help.

On January Second (I intend to rot on the couch all weekend long), it’s about poorly behaved brides on WE TV.  First up is My Fair Wedding with David Tutera (9pm).  It involves an awful bride and her desire to drown her wedding in a sea of Swarovski.  Excellent.  The next program is Rich Bride Poor Bride (10pm).  These types of programs make me miss my friends.  We were merciless with those bitches on TV.  Yayyy weddings.

Other ways to avoid being mobile on January 1st, courtesy of TVTango.com:

(These are all marathons, Jobin)

A&E (Noon – 4am): DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER

ABC (8pm – 11pm): V

AMC (9am – 6am): THE THREE STOOGES

Bravo (11am – 7pm): REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS

CMT (2pm – 4am): DALLAS

HGTV (1pm – 2pm; 9pm -10pm; Midnight – 1am): DREAM HOME 2011

Logo (4pm – 8pm): BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

MTV (8am – 6am): JERSEY SHORE

SOAPNet (9am – 5pm): ONE TREE HILL

Style (6am – 3am): JERSEYLICIOUS

Sundance (6:30pm – 10pm): GIRLS WHO LIKE BOYS WHO LIKE BOYS

TeenNick (Noon – 11pm): DEGRASSI THE NEXT GENERATION

TLC (5pm – 3am): SISTER WIVES

TNT (4am – 10am): LAW & ORDER

USA (6am – 2am): NCIS

VH1 (12:30am – 5:30am): WHAT CHILLI WANTS

WE (1pm – 6pm): GHOST WHISPERER

WE (6pm – 1am): THE GOLDEN GIRLS