images via bravotv.com

Hurroh and Happy Oscar Day.   I’m pulling for Carey Mulligan to win Best Actress, but I know they’ll either hand it to Sandy or Meryl…and I’m not pscyhed.  So that I don’t throw this delicious Mac agaist my sheet-rock wall, I’ll focus on other droomz from this week…

Bravo gifted us with the most delectable of television on Thursday.  10pm saw the finale of the Real Housewives Of Orange County.  A sunny day at the St. Regis, beautimous music in the background, an impending divorce and drunk teenagers.  One could see the fight from a short distance when Tamra and Simon started bickering in her closet.  While Simon could use a little more tact in his comments, he was correct.  Tamra needs to dress her age.  And what’s with the intense hairdo?  Ay yay yay as Nugget says.  The limo ride wasn’t much better (Point goes to Bravo for preventing drunk driving, but point is deducted when I realized that Bravo is really trying to get the cast good and sauced.  A sauced character makes for better ratings).  The claws are chipped and sticking out of Simon’s neck as he tries to calm Tamra down.  It doesn’t get any better the rest of the night.  Vicki‘s taken a cue from Alexis and broke out the slutty satin dress.  Gretchen got her hair did and donned a short white wedding dress, vested Slade in town.  Next comes Lori, looking a bit more demure than usual, and her camp (George, Ashley, George’s daughter).  Next we have Alexis and her vested husband, Jim.  Jim and Slade look like waiters.  Aaaaand last but not least, Lynne and her motley crew.  Raquel and Alexa are hammered and making a scene.  But Lynne and Frank are so baked that they don’t realize.  After asking if Frank needs his drink refreshed, Slade informs Frank that his two girls are very drunk and the St. Regis employees are getting annoyed.  Oh yeah, Jeana showed up with Shane and Kara.  Loved Kara’s dress.  Gretchen’s makeup looked like it was a paint-by-numbers pallete.  And yes, Gretchen.  Slade and Lori did date.  He’s a-lyin’ to you!

Tamra melts down by the fire, and cries into Vicki’s arms. Simon gets wind that she’s upset and tries to calm her down.  No dice.  The beginning of the end.  Simon filed for divorce in early January.  The finale airs next week.

We goes from west to east for one helluva season three premiere.  Whoa nelly, why is Ramona so wired this season?  She welcome Jill and Luanne to her boat (“She wishes it was her boat”), in a bikini that was not at all age-appropriate, according to Jill (and me.  And America).   Ramona is a new person.  Revived, renewed, evolving.  She still sounds like a blundering idiot to me.   I love that she ordered her own check at Savannah’s.  Alex boarded the boat and just did nothing the entire time, which worked for me.  And tequila in a wine glass?  Come on, ladies.  Jill Zarin-I love you.  Keep drinking that diet coke and judging those who like their liquor.

If you turn Bethenny sideways, she disappears (save for the boobs).  The sister has shrunk.  Is it the love diet?  Is it because she’s busy?  We may never know.  But her new lover, Jason Hoppy, seems to likie.   Bethenny’s a bit more obnoxious this season and has burned many a bridge.  The biggest and most painful bridge being Jill Zarin.  Why did you leave that message on her machine, Bethenny? Why? Why would you cut Jill Zarin out of your life?

The volume on this episode was so intense.  I chattered with Rachele and Abby about it last night, and we agreed that the cattiness was emphasized big time.  The Hamptons bar confrontation between Bethenny and Luanne?  Come on.  It was like watching a tennis match between John McEnroe and Tatum O’Neill.  Just bad.  Do you like? Do you hate?  Countess, stop making bitchy comments and then laughing.  It was hard to keep up with who was mad at whom.  And what’s this rule about not paying if you were invited somewhere?  My friend just invited me to San Francisco.  Does this mean I make her pay for my ticket and meals?

The rest of the episode was so anxiety-ridden that I think I blacked out. I do remember watching Kelly eat chicken wings.  Rachele thinks it was her only meal of the day.

Bethenny-you had better apologize to Jill Zarin soon.  Poor Bahbby had taken ill and I didn’t know?

One more thing.  The Skinny Girl Margherita car that you make Jason drive around in?  That’s just mean.