US Magazine reports that Gia has a boyfriend and there are internet rumors claiming Vienna won the final rose. Noooooooooooooooooo!  The more I watch, the more I see the signs that he may just choose Vienna. The horror.

Look at the puka shell necklace Jake is donning.

Don’t kiss while driving the boat, Jake!

Jake can’t dance.  He grabbed Gia from behind during the street session and it was awkward.  Awkward for you.  Awkward for me.  Awkward for everyone.

I’m so bored.

Jake should pick Tenley. They’re both so pure and giddy.  Vienna’s a scorpian woman.

Jake and Tenley are out really far in the ocean.  Have they never seen Shark Week?

The whole pirate thing is just weird.  As is Vienna’s bathing suit.

The bugs and crickets are so loud.  Are they mic’d up too?

Ali groveled and tried to crawl back onto the wings of love, but Jake shut the door on their connection (I’m sorry, I can’t help it).  Note to Ali: DO NOT PULL A REID.  Do not purchase a ticket to St. Lucia and Do not crash the rose ceremony.

FML he’s totally going to choose Vienna.

This was all sort of anticlimactic.  One more rose, hand it to Vienna, there you have it.  She’ll be fine.  She’s pretty and nice.  ‘Tis all good.

I would not sit around and listen to Jake patronize me about how the next guy will be so lucky.  F yourself, Jake.