image via abc.com

Each episode of The Bachelor makes me cover thine eyes more than the next.  I rotating between “Oh my God,” “I, like, can’t” and “This is awful.”

I just came off a Big Love marathon, so transitioning from three wives to four lady-suitors for Jake. I can’t help but draw a correlation between the competition and a polygamist marriage.  Both sets of women are willing to share pillow time, it can often get catty, and there’s always one brother-husband likes more than the others.

The moment Ali told Jake she would say “yes” if he asked her today, the mood immediately changed.  Jake kissed her to try and change the subject.  Deal breaker.

OMG Tenley, stop dancing.  “I was just kind of melting in the chair.”   Did you mean to select that generic wedding march?

“Dancing for Jake felt so incredible.” Hmmmm.  Any other place but Oregon, that would have sounded a bit more…unclean.

One more keyword I forgot I used through the episode: “VOMIT.”

Tenley looks a bit like Christina Applegate.  Tina, eat your food! 

Jake asked Tenley’s dad if he could marry her! Oh My God! What does this mean?

Whoa. Jake totally loves Tenley the most.

“I’m a Florida girl, born and raised.”  I don’t have anything nice to say, so I won’t say anything at all.

“I grew up on the river.” Ahhh Vienna.  You are making it so difficult to stay quiet!

Gators scare me.

Ali cries like a fourth-grader.  For someone who was super-obsessed with Jake, she’s choosing work over this? Come on, now.

“I don’t know if I made the right choice.”  No, you didn’t.  You blew it.