Another season of The Millionaire Matchmaker and not a moment too soon.

Thou shalt not throw stones. Unless your name is Patti Stanger. Then, feel free to throw the stones and tell the girls how fuggers they are. No one’s going to date you if you don’t have the juicy tuicy.

Time to audition girls for a Millionaire Mixer! Recruiting and pre-screening of the girls. Fun for Us. Not for them. Patti has no filter when it comes to her screenings. The girls need to be perfectly put together-not fat, but not gangly. Not slutty, but not conservative. Show some leg, don’t show too much boob. Patti is condescending to the ladies, but hey. Sister needs to bring in the bacon. And to do that, she needs to make those creepy millionaires happy. *Team Brenda Shivers*

“I need you less… Puerto Rican.”
“You look so cheap.”

The Millionaire dates are harder to watch than an episode of The Bachelor. Especially since these duds are harder to interact with because they’re, well, weird.