I had to spend the day sick in bed (cold, flu, cold, flu. Peroxide in the eye). So whilst under the covers and in between the occasional tear (a sore throat is no laughing matter), I watched two episodes of this week’s Oprah-Denise Richards and Pastor Ted Haggard discussed infidelity and spousal sparring, and today’s episode with Jay Leno.

I don’t know if it’s the knowledge that she’s abandoning us soon or that she’s just getting older (crankier), but Oprah has turned on the heat with the serious episodes. She told Denise she was unhappy with a few of her answers. And these were personal answers that Denise wanted to keep to herself. I felt for Denise. Oprah wanted answers. Oprah wanted to Denise to tell her the tough stuff. The stuff that makes everyone cry. In the end, O threw up her hands and wished Denise peace. All the peace in the world. Just like she wished Tom Cruise the peace that his billion dollar Colorado mountain view offered him. I take your wish of peace, and I internalize it, Oprah. For you are the last word in soul searching.

The second half of the show was devoted to Pastor Ted Haggard, the disgraced married man accused of some pretty heavy stuff (drugs, sex with a dude). Ohhh America. Haggard’s wife, Gayle (who just came out with a book, Why I Stayed) appeared first. Oprah explained to Gayle she had an epiphany after reading her book. Her epiphany was that she would not judge the pastor’s wife even though Oprah considered herself an independent woman and wouldn’t put up with such shenanigans. ‘Twas more of a back-handed compliment than an epiphany. “You’re a moron, but I’m not going to judge you.” Whatever, it’s Oprah. It’s fine. Then Ted comes out, tries to convince everyone that he’s 100% heterosexual and we call it day. Oprah’s not convinced that he’s not a creep, nor is she convinced that Gayle is a naive little wife. As far as I’m concerned, Oprah wins. Don’t you dare try to defy Oprah!

Today she grilled Jay Leno on why he f*cked Conan over. The sit-down took place at Jay’s studios in Los Angeles. Knowing this, one would assume Oprah would simmer down because she’s not in her own house. Hellllllllll no. As soon as the camera started rolling, Oprah let out question after question. One after the other. Grilling, accusing, speculating. It was fantastic! Leno just sat there and answered every question. Queen Bee didn’t seem happy with Jay and his decision to kick Conan in the teeth. “Did you WANT TO pick up the phone?” There were darts coming out of those eyes! I’m scared. “So, jokes don’t hurt you?”

Que un spitfire, that Oprah!