Ok, something’s a miss with Real Housewives Of O.C‘s Lynn. Thursday’s episode had Tamra everyone else asking, “Housewife Say What?” Before we get into that, let’ s touch up on some other parts of the episode.

Gretchen
Gretchen wants to start a makeup line. Since her late boyfriend, Jeff, had $3 million in debts, Gretchen was left with nothing. But since she technically had no legal rights ’cause they weren’t married, she shouldn’t have planned on getting much. Now the money isn’t coming in and Gretchen can’t afford her hundred-dollar makeup. Guessing from appearances, golden girl must clean through supplies mighty fast. The makeup cases look generic, but Gretchen could surprise us. The name isn’t much to write home about: Gretchen Christine Beaute. It’s like those Charlie fragrances. NEXT!

Alexis
Alexis has proven herself useless in most facets of life. She’s a wife and mother, yes. But those seem to be just titles for our Missouri transplant. Alexis floats downstairs to make boiled eggs while Olga makes beds in the early morning. Husband Jim comes down, clad in white, ready for his first meal of the day. Alexis reheats his coffee so it’s nice and warm, then tells him she’s going to have some of the Housewives over for a cooking lesson. Splendid. The plan is to reunite Gretchen and Tamra. Bury the hatchet once and for all. Since Alexis has tons and tons of time on her hands, she nominates herself to mend G&T’s broken relationship (was there a relationship to begin with?). Anyway, Jim leaves the kitchen, but not before confirming that Alexis will bring him his eggs. Like a minion, Alexis assures her boss/husband that she’ll bring them out. I’m disgusted.

Lynn
Lynn’s not a bad parent. She’s just naturally clueless, so it’s difficult for her to take a leadership role when it comes to disciplining her kids. Kids and dogs can smell fear. So when you don’t discipline your children properly, they will take their liberties and abuse privileges. Henceforth, Lynn sits there as daughter Alexa spews venom.

I’m 27 and I’m terrified of my mother. She’s 80 pounds soaking wet and has the bone density of a dead mouse, but Mary Ellen scares me. Mouthing off or disrespecting is out of the question. I don’t fear Mike. He fears me. One mention of “woman issues” and he’s tripped over himself running out of the house.

The point is that you don’t need to rule like a dictator, but you can’t let your kids control you. They are little monsters who need structure and guidance. They need parents who say “you cut the sh*t right now or you’re dead.” It works. Very well.

Tamra
I feel sorry for Tamra and Simon. Since the episodes were taped prior to annoucements of their split, it’s interesting to watch what they have to say. Tamra seems to really want to work on their marriage and we catch rays of hope as the Barney family cleans out the garage. Love is a battlefield.

Vicki
The only woman close to being a role model on the franchise is Vicki. She’s a hard worker, she’s raised fairly normal kids and she realized the mistakes she’s made with Don. As a result her business is steady and her marriage is stronger than ever. Gretchen may get annoyed with Vicki’s constant mention of herself as the only working woman in the cast, but let’s be serious. You broads are taking a cooking lesson at 1:30pm on a weekday. Gretchen, you claim to need an income but you’re not gainfully employed. So right now, Vicki can rub it in your faces all she wants. At least she’s going out to earn a dollar and doesn’t fear losing her money train.

The fight between Gretchen and Lynn. This is a tough one to call. After a few episodes of back-and-forth banter between the two, I don’t think anyone is right. At first, I didn’t think it was an issue for Gretchen to offer Lynn’s daughter, Alexa, an ear. It’s a great idea for a teenage girl to be able to speak to an adult other than her mother about certain issues. On the other hand, mama bear will get mighty angers if you tread on her turf. So Gretchen needs to watch what she says when defending herself against Lynn. Lynn may throw some daggers with statements like “You’re not a mom. You have no idea,” but when it comes to someone’s kids, just back off and bow out. It’s not your family.

That concludes our therapy hour this week.