Housewiferson time.

These women dress like I did in college. The flowy, low-cut tops, the rhinestones. Stop! You’re middle-aged!

Lynn is incapacitated because of her facelift. She’s on a mattress in her bedroom (just a mattress with a headboard). But she’s in full makeup and wardrobe. So weird. SO WEIRD.

Vicki‘s face when Slade surprised the girls (and Simon) in Florida was priceless. Right there marked the end of the trip for Vicki.

Alexis doesn’t even care that her son stubbed his toe while helping her with the suitcase. She blew him a kiss and it was done with. Sister cannot WAIT to get out of that house. Even though she has nannies.

It’s so obnoxious that Jim and Alexis and Simon and Tamra don’t travel without each other. Cut the cord. This isn’t about love. This is about control.

I can’t differentiate Alexis’ orange face from her orange dress at dinner. Sweet sparkly headband.

I’m going to have to agree with Vicki on this girls-weekend-turned-couples-retreat. There’s no insecurity, as Simon claims. She and Don are turning corners in their relationship. The point is that you crashed what Vicki thought was going to be a girls-only trip. Even Lynn, through her drug-induced haze, began to see why Vicki wouldn’t attend the sunset cruise.

Dear Simon-Sweet ensemble. A Pink tee with white pants really brings out your tan.
Dear Slade-Stop wearing graphic tees, especially when you golf. And yes, I saw you eating fruit while the other dude were eating burgers and fries. Normally I applaud healthy eating habits, but not you. You’re in a league of your own.
Dear Jim-Your goat-tee is creepy and you’re a control freak. This episode is all your fault.

Thanks for ruining “Girls’ Weekend,” everyone.

all images via bravotv.com