So our friend, Bill, is getting his single-engine pilot’s license. Now Bill, I want you to be extra careful when you fly. God knows there have been far too many accidents and we want to keep you around for at least another season.

I am L-bombing the background of Giuliana & Bill‘s interview room. Are those large leaves? Hypnotic.

Giuliana can’t understand why Bill wants to fly so high in the sky. He’s a daredevil. He lives life on the edge. Get involved, Giuliana! Get over than fear of flying and join your husband!

I would NOT be able to go for a run while wearing Giuliana‘s sunglasses. I have a pair of Tom Fords just like those that are H-E-A-V-Y, but fabulous. Ghett-ho fabulous, if you will.

Jesus Christmas, what is Giuliana wearing to Bill‘s construction site? I am literally burying my face in pillows. She looks so silly! Oh God, Giuliana. Are you wearing Sketchers? If Bill has half a brain, he’ll get Pinky Tuscadera out of there before she burns/floods/saws the place down.

Giuliana is one tall skinny marie on the massage table at Exhale. Knock knees, just like Mary Ellen.

Oh God, I should feel bad but I’m too busy laughing while watching Giuliana flips the frig out on the ferris wheel. She basically failed the test to see if she’s still afraid of heights. The acupuncture didn’t help. Next stop: hypnosis. Wait a minute. Aren’t you from Italy? Don’t you make trips to the homeland? And don’t you fly back and forth (very often) between LA and Chicago? What sort of meds are you on in-flight?

I am FASCINATED with Giuliana‘s fluency in Italian. Utterly fascinated. Keep talking! Do E! News in Italian!

Let’s call off the apprentice job site thing. It’s not working for me. All that pink and the Sketchers sneakers nonsense. To save us all, Bill sends her to the hardware store. She comes back with lawn chairs and a space heater.

Giuliana doesn’t overcome her fear of flying, and she gets a fighter pilot leather jacket? Bullsh*t! Bill looks mighty fine in that fighter pilot jacket, though.

Matthew could be a vampire with that milk-white complexion. He should audition for Breaking Down (if it gets the green light, natch).

I’m starting to feel really bad for Giuliana, flailing hither and thither in the backseat of Bill‘s one-engine plane. Talk about a stage four meltdown. Get her on the ground, Bill. Just get her on the ground and back into her cage.

And what a welcome home: skinny-jeans-clad-Matthew jumping up and down whilst fervently waving on the runway.