First reaction to Giuliana Rancic‘s new reality series on Style with her hubby, Bill: Oh, heck no. This is what happens when nosy Americans get what they want. Cable networks think they hear telepathically that we are DYING for a peek inside the lives of our favorite (d-list) celebs. The thing is, I don’t really consider Giuliana a celeb. She’s a celeb reporter (anchor? fact-check that for me, Mike). But sister’s got a resume on her. She moved to D.C. from Naples, Italy at the age of seven, learned english by watching TV, has a bachelor’s degrees from U. of Maryland and a masters in journalism from American University. But reality tv is my kryptonite, so I fell victim to yet another series. I’m liking this show already, even though I don’t want to. You see, I really like Giuliana on E! News, and I feel fine about first season Apprentice winner, Bill. We’ll see what pans out.
I love Bill! He’s all business about building their new house in Chicago, but his sarcasm is winning me over. He’s got a million things to do, but Giuliana has to stay back in LA for the 2008 Teen Choice Awards.
Giuliana: “I have to prep for the Teen Choice Awards.” Cause it’s, like, so important!
But don’t cry for this couple, because despite their busy schedules, they stay connected. Even when Bill is working until two am finishing their love nest.
Giuliana:”I’m gonna be calling you on the phone and we can web-chat and stuff.”
Bill: “Great.”
I just skipped breakfast, lunch and dinner after watching this next dialogue. Giuliana was eating watered cereal?
Giuliana: “Want a bite of my cereal?”
Bill:”Yeah”
Giuliana:”It’s the water cereal.”
Bill: “No. thank you, though.”
Giuliana: “Why?”
Bill: “I don’t like it with water, I like it with milk.”
Giuliana: “Well, it’s half water, half milk. I diluted it.”
Bill: ” That’s disgusting.”
Bill seemed frustrated with Giuliana. She’s sort of acting like a dumb girl, and that’s not who she is. You’re smart, sister! Stop acting like a fool.
Giuliana: “I have people counting on me in LA to deliver the news.” Well…it’s not the hard-hitting journalism you think it might be, GR. It’s more or less a recap of what celebrity got a speeding ticket and who’s not wearing undies today. Ryan Seacrest made a cameo in the show! I adore that silly goose. He got ahold of the hair dryer and all hell broke loose. Seacrest, out!
I spied Bill with flip-flops at his still-under-construction home and it made me so nervous. Even I know that you shouldn’t wear flip-flops in a construction site. Come on, Bill. Protect the piggies. What is this? Amateur hour?
The Chicago house looks ENORMOUS! And you can raise your kids in the heartland, where they have a better chance of being decent human beings. Ergo, everybody wins.
Matthew, Giuliana‘s assistant has a pretty flawless complexion. Matthew, have you been sneaking in trips down to La Jolla for some Changes?
Giuliana‘s a bit panicked about her wardrobe for the upcoming Teen Choice Awards. I would adore a life where my biggest issue is finding a dress to wear to a presentation that rewards teenagers for the minimal work they do. They’re all gonna be either high, drunk or way too into themselves to even notice you’re wearing a stitch of clothing.
When Bill told Giuliana he was picking up fireplace stuff for their new house, he added that it would include “fire and ice stuff for the fire pit.” Giuliana freaked out. She though fire on ice was cheesy. I was curious about this, because I don’t know what fire on ice is. Well, I just learned that it’s sort of like a bastard child from the eighties. It screams Margot from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. However, the testimonials for fire on ice have been superb. Then again, it sounds likw these people have been members of AARP for at least fifteen years.
Before moving into their spectacular new digs, G&B had to bunk up at B‘s mom’s house in twin beds. Bill explained to Giuliana that back in the 50s, television couples were only allowed to sleep in twin beds. Giuliana, you should know this. Leave It To Beaver‘s Ward and June Cleaver did, in fact, sleep in twin beds. Peeps had to keep it sacred back in the day.
Move-in day with useless chicks and lazy assistants is a thorn in my side. Ride next to women drivers. Don’t be fooled by my daintiness, Bill. I would have pulled my weight on such a pivotal day.
I adore Bill. He is a corn-fed, midwestern boy raised properly by his mama. What a catch!
PleasedontsplitupPleasedontsplitupPleasedontsplitup.
