I miss the Kardashian/Jenner clan. Kourtney and Khloe are more entertaining than Kim, but when you take them out of their element, it’s just weird.

Kim’s in town for a photo shoot, and her sisters decided to throw a party in her honor. Kim doesn’t drink. She doesn’t like the taste and prefers to not suffer hangovers. Why throw a party for someone who isn’t a boozer? Her sisters give her lots of s*it for it because Kim tends to be a snooty-snot about her sobriety. “Don’t be a bore! Be a whore!”

Why is Scott Storch at the party? Shouldn’t he be in jail or buying another diamond for his grill piece?

Khloe, don’t pressure Kourtney to date. She’s getting ready to be knocked up by Scott.

Next day: Kourtney and Khloe ride the shaky hangover train while Kim bitches about their H/O lazy asses. Before Kim can leave for her workout, Kourtney shouts, “Go fit in your jeans by Friday, honey.” Priceless. Simply priceless.

Instead of fitting into her jeans by Friday, Kim decides to sneak inside and bitch to her mom. Wah, wah. Your sisters are making fun of you. Story of my life. Kris Jenner, no stranger to Dash battles, told Kim that she’s not exactly boring, but not exactly the life of the party. Kim, stick to your guns. You can the life of the party and barf your brains out/want to kill yourself the next day OR you can just grab a book, be in bed by ten and arise the next day fresh as a daisy.

“How’s ya penis?” Khloe’s date casting call for Kourtney is attracting a whole lotta losers. One of the employees picked I-talian stallion Roberto out of the waiting line. Roberto speaks broken english. I couldn’t understand a damn thing he said when Khloe asked what he would do with Kourtney on a first date. You’d do what on a beach?

Uh oh. The gang’s going to dinner the night before Kim’s big photo shoot. Kim ordered a cocktail, totally out of character. I smell a disaster. Now Kim has ordered the entire happy hour menu.

What’s with the sudden change of heart? Remember that you have a photo shoot tomorrow. I wasn’t aware that Kim didn’t know how to drink. I just thought she didn’t like it. Look at her putting it down! Sister is going to feel it tomorrow. OMG she is draped across the backseat of Kourtney’s Cayenne. What a hot mess. God bless Jonathan Cheban for taking her upstairs.

Oh Jesus. They blurred Kim’s puke in the toilet. I can’t even blame her sisters for this. Kim actually did this to herself.

The next morning: I think Kim blacked out. “We are never having you drink ever again.” Yet, Kim wakes up with a full face of makeup and no sign of pukey bedhead. I smell a staging.

Uh oh. Kourtney’s date with Roberto made her realize that she loves Scott. Come on, Khloe. You knew this was going to happen. Don’t get upset and DON’T put her over your knee, pull up her dress and spank her thong-covered ass. No one wants to see that. This was the wrong episode to start writing about. Blurred-out vomit, sister spankings. My Catholic eyes!

I think we’ve all learned our lessons tonight. Kim will never be the life of the party and can’t hold her drink. Kourtney doesn’t want to date, but wants to be back with Scott. Don’t force others to be someone they’re not. Did you see that? I just rhymed.

PS-Kim is producing a reality show starring Jonathan Cheban and Simon Huck. These are the two PR dudes you saw hanging out with the sisters all episode. Not the chachi ones that tried to hit on Kourtney. The ones that looked put together. Air date and network TBC.